Today, The Idiot is introducing a new feature to the blog, called The Origins, where we take something that we all know very well and uncover the origins of that... um... thing.

 

Today’s thing is the phrase “Hurts like the dickens”.

 

Like most popular phrases that have stood the test of time, this phrase has many different supposed origins. It’s hard to say whether one or another is the actual origin of the phrase, but it is possible that a combination of these origins came together to popularize this phrase that we use with impunity today.

 

Origin #1:  The ferocity and severity of Catholic School nuns is by no means a new or unheard of phenomenon. But there was one particular nun, Sister Clementine from the School of the Divine Frenulum in turn-of-the-century Dayton, Ohio, who had a reputation far and beyond that of your typical Catholic School nun. While other nuns were content to smack children with their rulers, Sister Clementine took to throwing objects at her students, particularly books, if the children missed their reading assignments.

 

“I’m going to get this book into your head, be it the easy way or the hard way!” She was known to exclaim.

 

Although the book was far too advanced for her younger students, Sister Clementine insisted that they read “Barnaby Rudge” by Charles Dickens. The book is much larger than the books they were accustomed to, and all the children feared the consequences of missing their reading assignment and the possibility of the hard, heavy spine of “Barnaby Rudge” slamming against their temple. Several children were known to be permanently disabled by the blow, and it was always anyone’s guess who would get it when Sister Clementine had one of her famous, as they were known in the day, “derailments”, during which she would shout obscenities and urinate on herself while clearing the bookshelf of books which she hurled at the children before collapsing to the floor in a puddle of her own waste matter (many today believe that Sister Clementine suffered from extreme Tourette’s).

 

As the children ducked the hurling literary missiles, they were always aware of where the “Barnaby Rudge” sat on the shelf, because while all the books hurt, none of them quite “hurt like the Dickens.”

 

Origin #2:  Elias Dickens was a boxer from Philadelphia from 1840-1845, when he died. A diabetic, he had hypersensitivity, extremely low bone density, and hemophilia, which means his blood would not clot. Without proper medical attention (which barely existed at the time), a papercut could kill him. And yet, he insisted on being a boxer.

 

For five years, he only had one bout that lasted more than a single round. His exhibitions were highly attended for the entertainment value of this very pasty man who not only could not take a punch without breaking a bone, but couldn’t land a punch without shattering the bones in his hand. He had more than a glass jaw, he had a glass body. He spent most of the time in the ring running from his opponents and screaming in a high pitched voice, and more than one fight was won simply when he tripped and fell, breaking a bone in the process. Opponents learned very early not to punch him if they could help it because even the slightest connection could cause them to be covered with blood.

 

How he survived five years is as big a mystery as why he fought in the first place. Once when asked why he did so, he said, “Others like me spend their lives in padded rooms, but I insist on living. I want to experience. I want to feel. I want to be an inspiration to...” His sentence was never finished as he bit his tongue and soon passed out from the extreme blood loss.

 

There are some who believe that Elias had a mental condition where his brain interpreted pain as a pleasurable sensation, as evidenced by a bout in August of 1842, when a new boxer shattered his jaw with one punch and Dickens ejaculated several times in his shorts while writhing on the mat.

 

Whatever the reason, crowds came from far away to see him take his beatings and suffer so publicly, until a highly publicized exposition match between himself and a kangaroo in June of 1845 ended tragically when the animal - without the capability to empathize - kicked Dickens in  the head, shattering his face into his brain, and then began to eat him right there in the ring.

 

Boxing lost some of its allure to many that day, for while other boxers may suffer pain, there was never another boxer that could quite “hurt like the Dickens.”

 

Origin #3: In Victorian England, getting kicked in the crotch was often called, “taking a dickens”.

 

Therefore, anything that hurt really bad was said to “hurt like the dickens.”

 

These three random origins from different parts of the English speaking world have spread and combined to this phrase we all use today.