Healthy Traditions
Earlier this year, a Dutch newspaper published cartoons of Mohammed with a bomb in his turban, making a statement about the inherent violence in the Islamic religion.
Muslims all over the world were outraged at the insinuation and bombed restaurants and rioted in the streets to prove the world wrong.
Um… Yeah. Good job there.
This week, the new Pope Benedict XVI made comments during a speech in Regensburg, Germany, quoting a 14th century text that said Islam contained “evil and inhumane” elements, and that the religion was spread by the sword. He insinuated that Islam is an inherently violent religion.
Muslims the world over were outraged. So, to prove him wrong, militant Muslims in Somalia killed a nun. Who was working at a hospital, where she healed Muslim children.
Oh, and of course there was the obligatory rioting in the streets. But that doesn’t make them violent…
I mean, to be fair, they riot in the streets all the time. Like whenever a war is started in a Muslim nation…
Friday, September 22, 2006
Or an election didn’t go their way...
Or anybody anywhere says anything they don’t like...
Or when the price of oranges goes up...
Or when Seinfeld was canceled...
Or whenever an Israeli farts.
Besides, rioting is an awesome way of showing the world how non-violent you are. It’s just like that girl in high school who everybody called a slut, so to prove them wrong, she slept with the football team. And basketball team. In one night.
It’s like that guy who was tired of everyone calling him stupid, so he lit a fart on fire and scorched his own butthole.
It’s like that guy who came from a wealthy family and didn’t like that everyone was calling him a nancy-boy, so he joined the National Guard in a time of war and then went AWOL.
And it’s good exercise. Rioting and boundless rage burns lots of calories. Know a lot of fat Muslims? I know I don’t. Studies have shown that if Americans rioted even a quarter as much as in the Middle East, the obesity rates in the U.S. would plummet by up to 37%. The reason is twofold: 1) It’s a quick and effective total body workout, and 2) Rioting burns down a lot of fast food restaurants.
Rioting and going into a holy rage are just Muslim traditions. We can’t judge them on that. I’m sure they think we’re insane during Christmas when we put our lights outside and bring trees inside.
Besides, most of our traditions involve eating way too much and sitting around. Maybe we could stand to find a tradition that’s as healthy as the one they have in the Middle East.
